Advice for dating a widower
Often they move to quickly to get involved in a new relationship.
They may see the new relationship as more of a part of the grieving process than anything else.
Dating someone who has been married before and has created a life with someone else before you, is not easy and there are many struggles and challenges that you will face.
Thinking very carefully before entering into this relationship is of vital importance, especially if you have not been married before, or if you have had no children of your own, as you might not get the chance to be married or he might not want to have any more children.
If the person has not adequately grieved for the partner and come to the realization on their own accord that they are ready to date, then the relationship is destined to fail because the widower is not ready to commit to another relationship.
Another tip for dating a widower is to be aware of the fact that you are a unique person and should not try to emulate his previous wife in an attempt to ease his pain.
After date number four, when things began to get serious, it was my sister, ironically, who warned me about having a relationship with a man who was probably still grieving.
Being with someone whose first wife has died – a wife he loved very much – has the potential for a difficult subsequent relationship: a past love that can never be matched (not that it should be a competition), a woman who doesn’t grow old, rosy-hued memories that will only ever gain lustre, worries about comparisons that can’t be checked face to face.
In the first emails Tim and I sent each other we mentioned previous relationships – my failed marriage and his wife’s death at 36 from breast cancer – but only in a fact-finding kind of way.
And when we met over a pint in a Hampshire pub, we touched on those subjects again but agreed they weren’t right for a first date.
You need to be sure that he is in love with you and that he is over his wife or ex.
It is also important to understand that there is an external family that will want to share experiences with the children.